So, I watched myself for the last few month “not-blogging”, wanting to blog but…. just did not do it. So this morning I felt this space of “won’t blog” again and just stayed with it and shared that with Michael, just saying what’s so and when I looked a little deeper came up was “I need permission to express myself” hmmh, from whom?
Well I checked (via muscle testing or kinesology) no, not from God but from my boss? Now, my boss ……..how did I get there? So I asked Michael to get me to the first time I made the decision that I need permission, or what scene in my life got me to that point where I am now “not daring to express myself, needing permission from a boss like person” and in a second I was there.
As the mother in “Golden Girls” always said: “picture it.., Sicily” well in my case, picture it, 1960, Germany I’m 5 years old in front of a milk store and I’m holding this toy in my hand. There is also this young lady pushing a stroller and the child looks at my toy and really wants it, as he is nearly leaping out of the stroller. I look at my toy, look at the lady and say, o.k. he can have it for 5 marks. Lady looks at me very disgusted and says let’s go to your mother. So we march one block to see my mother, lady explains to my mother and both women agree that I should just give away my toy and be happy!
So…….I made many decisions at that moment and was of them was “it’s not safe to express myself”. Now, since I saw the story, felt the event, I mean I am right there, now I can go to this little 5 year old as I am now as a grown up and ask her what she needs at this moment. She told me she needs her mother to completely approve of her creativity how to exchange her toy for 5 marks. So I the adult asked my mother to go ahead and extend all approval she got to the little one. I asked my little girl is she fells safe enough now -with me at her side forever- to express herself fully, and, yes she said ohyes!
So here I am, finally able to blog this evening. As the saying goes “the proof is in the pudding”.
I found out that there are a few main stories/events in every ones life and we made lots of decisions at that moment at these events in rapid order. I am so very lucky because I live with Michael who found this great technique, easy to use, not much talk, just going right to the bottom of “the event” and change the decision. Life is great. I am so grateful to have tools like that. I am so grateful to the people in my life. Big Thanks to Dr. Leon Lashner, Atlanta who every time he saw me asked: “have you started writing yet?” Thank you to my beloved husband Michael Craig for always being available to me “to check me out”. Many stories to follow. Can’t wait to share them with you and hope to inspire sharing your own stories with me/us.